Alone
by KuroitsukiNoMai
Summary: Yoh rescued Hao after the last battle, but the once great shaman is only a shadow of what he used to be. stripped of his spirit, his will, and his strength, will Hao be able to stand up and move on? And will Yoh be able to help him? little bit of twinfluf


DISCLAIMER: i do not own shaman king, tho i really would like to own it... especially hao... .

* * *

**_Alone_**

He was like a shell.

He never moved, never talked. He never slept, nor did he give any indication that he was even aware of what was around him. He was like a shell, hollow and empty. Even his eyes were dead; they were dull and lifeless, no longer a brilliant, rich chocolate, but a faded, dull brown. He was a ghost, a shell; it was like he was dead.

Everyone said to just leave him alone, to just let him die slowly. But every night, after dinner and after everyone went to bed, Yoh would quietly slip into his room. The kind, lazy brunette would calmly pad over to him, talking softly, informing him of the daily events, complaining about how mean Anna was.

Then, Yoh would set down the tray of food that he brought every time, and gently spoon some food into his mouth, saying, "I'm sorry, I know you don't like it when I do this." After that, Yoh would pick him up, carry him to the bathroom, where he would undress him, and gently lower him into the warm bath that was always prepared ahead of time.

Yoh would wash him, gently scrubbing his skin and cleaning his hair. And, after he was done, Yoh would dry him off and deftly redress him, with a new set of clothing that was, once again, always prepared ahead of time.

Then, Yoh would once again pick him up and carry him back to his room, where he would gently place him onto the futon and pull the blankets up to his chin securely. And then, even though he never responded, Yoh would once again start talking. Yoh would ask him what his favorite food was, what his favorite color was. Yoh would ask him what he though of Anna, and then, laugh, and say, "Yea, I know", as if he had actually answered.

But Yoh never got an answer out of him. He never answered, not even after three months. Until one night.

That night, Yoh came in like usual, fed him, like usual, and bathed him, like usual. Yoh smiled, and asked then, "Na, Hao?" There was no answer, but Yoh continued anyway. "Do you like it here?" Once again, no answer. "Do you regret being saved? Did you want to be saved?"

Yoh sighed, the sound magnified in the silence of the room. He made himself more comfortable, sitting on the edge of the futon, his back to his twin.

"_Yoh…"_

Yoh spun around, eyes wide and filled with painful hope.

"Yoh…" Hao repeated, looking at the younger twin with dull eyes.

"Hao!" he exclaimed, joy apparent in his voice. "Daijoubu? Do you need some water? Are you hungry? Oh! I forgot, I just fed you! Then, um, do you wa-"

"Why?" the older twin rasped, his eyes filled with pain. Yoh stopped short, looking at his twin with apprehension. "Why did you save me?" Hao was cut off by a bout of harsh coughing, probably because he hadn't used his voice in so long. Yoh made a move to help him, but he pressed on, ignoring the offered help.

"Why didn't you let me die?"

Yoh looked helpless. "I couldn't do that! I couldn't just let you…"

"Do you think I'm happy with this?!" Hao asked angrily, his voice strained and hoarse. He ignored the pain in his throat, forcing himself to sit up. "Do you know what this is like?! I can't do anything! I don't have anything! Everything is gone, my dream, my spirit, my strength, EVERYTHING!"

Hao once again coughed violently, his throat burning with pain. "This isn't a life," he muttered bitterly. "This isn't anything… I can't believe I actually put my trust in you…" Yoh's eyes widened, startled by the bitterness in his twin's voice and the sudden change of topic. "I can't believe I actually thought that there was someone I _could _trust… I should have learned from what those humans did… but…"

Hao seemed tired now, his eyes hazy and dull. "Everything… everything was destroyed by my family... my very own family… I was just trying to create a place where we could belong, where we wouldn't be scorned and hated… a place where we wouldn't be called demons and devils… where we could be happy… why?... why couldn't anyone… understand that…"

"Hao!" Yoh cried in alarm as Hao collapsed, breathing heavily. Yoh placed a hand to his twin's forehead and immediately snatched his hand away as if burned. _'He has a fever! This is bad, this is bad… What do I do?!?!'_

"My only…" Yoh looked down as Hao mumbled, delirious. Tears trickled down his face. "My… only brother… my only family… I wasn't even … accepted… by…"

Hao trailed off, his breathing shallow and uneven. Yoh could see him shivering slightly under the blankets. Yoh looked at his sleeping brother's face, his own etched with sorrow.

Slowly tucking him in, Yoh gently wiped the tears off his brother's angelic face. _'Hao…' _

* * *

The next morning, Anna woke up around 4 AM, and, after getting dressed, briskly walked over to Yoh's room to wake him up, like she did every morning. "Yoh," she called, in an authoritative voice, sliding open the shoji door, expecting to see a familiar mop of brown hair half-covered by blankets.

She blinked, slightly surprised. She stalked over to the other rooms, sliding the doors open and peering inside. She frowned as she neared the last room. _'This is… __**his**__ room…' _

Shaking off her apprehension, she quietly slid the door open, and her eyes widened at what she saw.

Yoh looked up as he heard the door open. A large bowl of water sat next to the futon where Hao lay, shivering and panting. Yoh himself was leaned over, one hand over a cloth on Hao's forehead, the other holding another wet cloth.

Anna raised an eyebrow. Yoh's face suddenly relaxed in relief, his eyes losing the edge of panic they had before. His eyes seemed tired, and he had small circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. "Oh, Anna!" he exclaimed, though not as loud as he usually did. "Thank God! I had no idea what to do!"

Anna looked from Yoh, to Hao, then back to Yoh. "What's wrong?" she asked nonchalantly, with bored eyes.

"It's Hao!" he said, a bit of panic coloring his voice. "He has a fever, and I don't know what to do, and he's been shivering all night and he's just not getting better and he's really sick and-"

"Alright!" she said in exasperation. "Now, just do exactly what I tell you…"

* * *

"Daijoubu, Yoh?" Horo Horo asked, staring at his friend in concern. Yoh jumped, startled out of his thoughts.

"Wha?" he asked, looking a little dazed.

Horo Horo sighed. "I asked if you were okay, 'cuz you were spacing out on us!" Ren and Lyzerg nodded their agreement, and Chocolove and Ryu both gave an affirmative, "Yea!" to back the Ainu up.

Yoh laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "Sorry, I was just kinda thinking about something..." He trailed off, seeing the looks on his friends' faces. "It was nothing big, I swear! I was just…"

His friends all stared at him strangely as Yoh suddenly stopped talking, staring past them with concerned eyes. They all followed his gaze, before they immediately froze, bodies tense.

"Hao!" Yoh called happily, though it did nothing to ease the tension. "Are you feeling better now?"

Hao, dressed in a simple pair of baggy black pants and a white t-shirt, nodded, but he refused to meet Yoh's gaze. Yoh frowned, concern clear on his face. He could see that Hao was still tired, still sick.

"Hao, I want to talk to you for a minute, 'k?" Lyzerg shot Yoh an incredulous look, but Yoh just smiled reassuringly at him, before turning his attention back to his twin. "Let's go somewhere else," he suggested, getting up, and leading the way to his room. Hao followed silently, his long bangs still shadowing his eyes.

Yoh slid the door shut behind them with a soft _"snap"_, not taking his eyes off of his twin. Hao still refused to meet his gaze, and found the floor quite interesting. Yoh sighed and sat down in front of his twin, eyes downcast.

All was silent for a while, before, "Look, I'm-", "I just wanted to say-"

They both stopped, staring at each other, before laughing quietly, some of the tension in the room disappearing.

Hao sighed, before looking up to meet Yoh's gaze. "I just wanted to say," he began, "that I'm really sorry for anything I might have done or said last night… I wasn't really rational then, so can you just forget about it?"

Yoh shook his head, surprising his twin. "No, I can't." Yoh raised a hand to stop Hao as he started protesting. "I know what you said then was true, even if you don't want to admit it… and I really am sorry if I've caused you that much pain… "

He stopped for a minute before staring Hao straight in the eye. "But, you know, you aren't alone anymore." Hao's eyes widened, shock evident on his face.

Yoh smiled at him, a genuine smile full of care and love. "I'm here for you, and I will continue to be, if you'll let me… I know that you probably wouldn't forgive me that easily… but I just want you to know that you _are _accepted… I accept you, and I forgive for everything you've done, because I can understand why you did it…"

Hao was silent, his face expressionless. But Yoh could clearly see his emotions; his eyes gave away his pain, his loneliness, and, above all, the hope that had been planted by Yoh's words.

Hao's fists clenched as he tried to fight back the hope that began to worm its way through his heart. His eyes were downcast, his heart locked in an internal struggle. _'Can I trust him? Should I trust him?'_

Hao jumped as strong arms wrapped around his body and pulled him into a warm embrace.

"You're not alone anymore." A warm, caring voice said, and Hao could feel his defenses breaking. "You have me; I'll stay with you, no matter what. You're not alone anymore, Nii-chan."

A fist clenched, holding on to fistfuls of the lazy brunette's shirt desperately. Tears fell on the younger twin's plain white shirt, frail shoulders shaking, as Hao fell into Yoh's warm embrace.

And Hao cried, Yoh's words ringing in his head.

"_You're not alone anymore; you have me."_

_

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so, didya like it? i know, it probably wasnt that good, but i just couldnt get it off my mind, so i posted it... and i luv hao! i know everyone thinks he's crazy, but he's only crazy cuz the humans made him that way... .

anyway, hope ya liked it! now, just press that little blue button on the bottom left of the screen...

. yea, so review! you can say whatever you want in the review! constructive criticism is welcome!

thx!

_Kuroitsuki no Mai (aka tsukiko)_


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